All the way down to the Amen Pew
Where sat sister Bertha Better-Than-You
Who'd been watching all the
commotion with sadistic glee
But you shoulda seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her
garters and crossed her thighs
And she jumped to her feet and said
"Lord, have mercy on me!"

As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess
To sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissention
But the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her
love life, and then she started naming  names
 

Well, seven deacons and the Pastor got saved
And twenty five thousand dollars got raised
And fifty volunteered for
missions in the Congo on the spot
And even without an invitation
There were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got rebaptized, whether we needed it or not