The following are actual winning analogies in the “worst
analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest:

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake.

He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.