there is only one candidate with a bombshell trophy wife nearly a quarter-century younger than himself.

I urge each and every one of you to run a Google image search and see the evidence for yourself: photo after photo of a tall but wrinkled and sagging 64-year-old man—that's me—standing at various gala events, his arm wrapped around a stunning woman with glowing orange skin and beautiful platinum- highlighted hair.

A bold woman, squeezed into a dress with a plunging neckline so low her enormous breasts seem almost ready to leap out and scream, "Hey world—look at us! We are married to a famous man we saw in Die Hard 2 when we were in college!"

If elected, I pledge that same woman—who is a full six years younger than my eldest son—will be by my side at all state dinners

causing the Chinese delegation's jaws to drop in amazement at her gravity-defying rack.

Yours will be a first lady who is not only hot enough to appear in Playboy, but who might actually be willing to appear in Playboy