hundreds of terrorist detainees from Guantanamo Bay are being brought to the United States as part of a new federal warfare-to-work program that will employ them as Wal-Mart greeters.

"This program puts people to work doing jobs that no one else will do," Obama said. "Except old ladies."

"Now it makes sense to take away old ladies' nail clippers at the airport," Obama said. "This was part of a larger strategy that we are just now seeing positive results from.

So far, 27 detainees have been placed as Wal-Mart greeters. Just 26 have committed suicide -- a success, according to the Obama administration. Several of them aired their martyrdom videos over the Wal-Mart Network, the in-house television programming at Wal-Mart stores nationwide

The remaining terrorist couldn't believe the deals available at Wal-Mart and has begun studying for the midday checker exam.

From there, who knows? Maybe flight school," he said. "The sky's the limit."