Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke

Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him

When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps

Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps can make water run uphill

Phelps doesn't sweat, he drips chlorine

Michael Phelps can swim through ice

People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing

Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls

Michael Phelps isn't like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage

When you say "no one's perfect", Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult