Jack Sparrow In Escape Coffin

$2.48

Delicious Can ($.33)

In length and girth, the fake snake is, umm, penis-sized and shaped.

Chef Mario's Dining Disasters

So how exactly does a tiny dish filled with rubbery fake spaghetti and little plastic rats and roaches constitute a "toy?"

Beetle Barn Lifecycle Kit

Send coupon to get your LIVE LARVAE!

Flying Human Torch

looking remarkably like what would come out of the wrong end of a Great Dane who sucked down a bunch of molten orange plastic

Natural World Elephant

elephants? According to this toy, they scream like a woman in agony. Was there a messy, fatal factory accident just as these were being made, or what?

Electronic Mobile Phone ($1)

Some of the buttons make irritating noises

Magic Wishes Talking Bubble Wand

You're supposed to blow a bubble, make a wish

catch the bubble on the mermaid's magic '70s disco mandala headband

she'll answer your question with a canned phrase like "No way!" "Maybe!"

Queen Of The Prom

Poker Night

Rubber Dolphin ($.33)