- 200,000 pizzas sent to “Chinese Taipei”
- Ceremonial lighting of the Tibetan monk
- Entire crowd replaced by more photogenic stand-ins
- New technology allows the "completely live" fireworks display to run backward
- Everyone looks under their seat to find a gift bag containing a DVD copy of Watchmen, one of those cans of Coke in a different language, and a female child
- Numerous mistakes by Chinese dancers (but no points deducted by judges)
- Bela Karolyi given Andy Rooney’s old spot on 60 Minutes
- One more silver medal awarded to Shawn Johnson, just to rub it in
- Olympic hostesses return to their docking stations and power down
- Everyone leaves satisfied but then somehow want another Olympics about fifteen minutes later