TAOISM: Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".

ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)

JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people.

CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

MYSTICISM: What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?

ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!

NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?

VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!

BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.

HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.

THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.

JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.

RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.

CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.

SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.