Not-learning . . . tends to strengthen the will, clarify one's definition of self, reinforce self-discipline, and provide inner satisfaction. . . . Not learning tends to take place when someone has to deal with unavoidable challenges to her or his personal and family loyalties, integrity and identity. In such situations there are forced choices and no apparent middle ground. To agree to learn from a stranger who does not respect your integrity causes a major loss of self. The only alternative is to not-learn and reject the stranger's world.